Tag Archives: words

Not Politically Correct – But Shut Up!

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As I approach the final chapters of my life and look back at the earlier chapters, I realize the big flaw (do I dare call it sin) in my life has been my tendency to speak before I think.

Many times my motives have been good.  I’m the kind of person who likes to fix things, make things better for others.  So when someone comes to me to share a concern, a problem, a difficult situation, I am often quick to give advice on what they should do to take care of the problem.  Quick to share my opinion on how they should handle things.  Even quick to do something myself to make things better.

Good intentions – to help.

BUT – perhaps they do not need or want my advice.  Perhaps they just need to have someone listen to them and maybe give them a hug.

Other times, I must confess, my motives have not been good.  I have spoken quickly out of anger or hurt.

However, I do not think I am the only one with this flaw.  Reading the Proverbs this week with my husband I could not help but notice how many times the writer tells us to watch our words.

Proverbs 17:28 – “Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.”

Proverbs 18:13 – “Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”

Proverbs 21:23 – “Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.”

But the one I love the most is Proverbs 10:19 – “Too much talk leads to sin.  Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.”

talk

Now if we could just get our politicians and news reporters to follow that advice.

More and more I find myself praying the words of Psalms 19:14 – “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”

 

The Power of Words

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Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words can never harm me

Growing up I heard this little rhyme many times.  It was said to encourage those who were being bullied or harassed by others.  However, this message is simply not true.

Words have such power.

Power to encourage, power to put down.  Power to make you laugh, power to make you cry.

Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose…Proverbs 18:21

Spoken words that hurt:

As a young girl I experienced the harm that words can do.  In the sixth grade my family moved in the middle of the school year.  The first day at my new school I was walking up the stairs to my room when two young boys passed me on the stair well.  Upon seeing me, one of the boys grabbed the other one and pulled him to the side of the stairs away from me.  As I passed he said, “Look at her!  She is ugly!” The other boy laughed and I quickly went on to my classroom.

When class started this young boy walked in and sat down in the row next to me.  Every time the teacher would turn her back he would point at me and softly say “ugly.”  This harassment continued on the playground.  Soon he had half of the class laughing at me.

From that day on I felt so ugly.  Only in my 40’s did I start to look at pictures of me as a young girl.  While I would never win a beauty contest, I realized I was not ugly.  But those words took me years to over come.

Unspoken words that hurt:

Then there are the words that we need to hear, but never do.

As a young girl I idolized my father.  He was my hero.  After my parents divorced I was very hurt and although I no longer looked up to him, I still loved him.  But throughout my life I never heard him say “I love you.”  In our relationship, words of praise were never on his lips.  He was quick to point out anything I did or said that did not meet his approval.  Others in the family told me he told them nice things about me, but I never heard any of them.  To this day, as an old woman, I still wish I could have heard those words of love.

Spoken words that bless:

But I am thankful for the words of affirmation I have received from so many others in my life.

My husband who says “I love you” several times throughout the day.

My grandchildren who call to share memories from their childhood.

My sister who still calls me her “baby sister.”

My church family who speak words of encouragement and love every week.

Words that are misunderstood:

Looking back over my life at the old age of 70 I think of the many times that words have been misunderstood.  Times when what I said and what they heard were different – or what they said and what I heard were different.

How sad I am for the times that misunderstanding led to broken relationships, hurt feelings, angry hearts.

How thankful I am for the ability to forgive and to ask forgiveness when those times occurred.

Now that I am writing more I worry about the words I use.  Do I express myself clearly?  Could what I say be hurtful although my intent might be to encourage?

My most recent concern was the post I made about not complaining.  While I wrote that wanting to encourage us to count our blessings and not let circumstances get us down, I fear others may have seen it as implying we should never say we are hurting or we are discouraged.

So I ask God for wisdom in my writing.  My prayer is that my words will be a blessing and that I will be more mindful of what I write and how I write.

This verse is my prayer both as I speak to others and as I write:

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer….Psalm 19:14

 

My Addiction Cost Me 27 Days in 2017

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I am addicted.  I have made my confession before.  Confessions of a Scrabble Addict!

I have tried hard to overcome it but I have not been able to do so as I reported in  My Addiction has Returned.

And now this year it has taken 27 days of my life.

We played 216 games in 2017.  It takes us about 3 hours to play a game.  So that amounts to 27 days playing scrabble.

We play on a super scrabble board which has twice the letters of regular scrabble and an expanded board.

We also take forever to take a turn because we are so competitive and try to either play a seven letter word which gives us 50 extra points or find a place on the board to give us triple or quadruple points.

scrabble 3

Winning with us is like a seesaw.  I get a couple of games ahead, then he comes backs, ties me and pulls ahead two or three games.  The most anyone of us has been ahead is five games.  When I get that many games behind, the adrenalin kicks in and I HAVE to catch up.

 

Keeping scores since 2008 we ended this year with a tie.  We each won 107 games with two tied games.  In the ten years of keeping score, I have won one more game than he has.  One more game in ten years.  What a tight contest!

So into the New Year we go!  Suspect mounts!

Will he be able to win more games than me in 2018?

Will I pull ahead even more?

For those who follow my blog and are tired of hearing about scrabble (which proves my addiction) I promise no more posts on this subject for a while (at least I promise I will try).

So just a few scrabble jokes to end this blog and start another attempt to overcome my addiction.

  • In Russia when a baby is born, the parents play a game of scrabble and the letters they pick up is the name of their child.
  • Scrabble is all fun and games until someone loses an “i”
  • the dreaded Old MacDonald rack – eieiooo
  • I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles.  My next movement could spell disaster.

Last Game of 2017 – Who Will Win?

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scrabble

For those of you who follow my blog you know my husband and I are scrabble addicts.  In the summer we play several times a month, but when Old Man Winter comes we play almost every day.  We are very competitive keeping a record of our games now for 10 years.

In the ten years of playing super scrabble, I have won one more game than my husband.

This year I am currently ahead of him one game.

After church this morning we will play our final game of 2017.  If he wins, that will make us tied for the year and I will remain ahead overall one game.  If I win, I will not only be ahead for this year but will extend my overall lead to two games.

If he wins the game, that will conclude our 2017 games.  I have an idea if I win, we may be playing more than one game today because he does not want to end up a loser for 2017.

We could be up all night until he ties me.  Could be a long New Year’s Eve for these old folks.

Party on young people – but there’s no better party than two old folks playing scrabble.

scrabble6

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is the “Joy of the Lord?”

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Jesus laughing

We hear a lot from Christians about “the joy of the Lord.”  Often a verse from Nehemiah is quoted when speaking of joy.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

But I wonder what does that mean?  What is the joy of the Lord and how does it give me strength?  I have found many times in my life when I was going through a difficult time and struggling with pain or sorrow that well-meaning people would quote that verse to me suggesting if I would just be “happy” I would find strength from the Lord to get me through this difficult circumstance.

If I would just adjust my attitude.

If I would just think positive thoughts.

If I would just “put on a happy face.”

Then, God would give me joy.

So – strength from God depended on me.  If in this time of despair I could just either “pretend” to be happy (“fake it ’til you make it”) or if I could somehow find some inner strength to think positive thoughts, God would give me joy and strength.  Our culture (and many TV preachers/teachers) tell us having the right attitude, having self-esteem, is the road to the joy of the Lord.

Yet we know that many great men of God did not always have a positive attitude.  Look at the Psalms.  They are full of times when David and others even questioned if God cared.

for you are my God, my only safe haven.  Why have you tossed me aside?

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
    Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
    Every night I lift my voice, but I find no relief.

As I look at the verse in Nehemiah what stands out to me is that the joy Nehemiah is talking about is not some feeling I produce by my own ability to “put on a happy face” and adjust my attitude.  Rather, this joy is the joy OF THE LORD.  It is something that comes from God.  True joy, I submit, does not come from within me – it comes from without.

The joy of the Lord is not dependent on me adjusting my attitude or thinking positive thoughts.  I am not disputing that our thinking, out attitude does many times needs some work.  Paul wrote in Philippians:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

And the writer of Proverbs told us:

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

But if having God’s joy is simply me thinking on things worthy of praise, then the joy of the Lord is not really from the Lord.  It is simply having a good philosophy or a good outlook on life.  That benefits those of us who have a tendency by nature to be positive, who bounce out of bed each morning ready for the day and get excited about the new coffee favor we just bought at Target.  However, it puts those who have a more melancholy personality and basically say “don’t talk to me until I have had my coffee” at a great disadvantage.

So – what is the joy of the Lord?  And how do we get it?

Take a look at the times Jesus spoke about joy.

In the Beatitudes he told us:

 What blessings await you when people hate you and exclude you and mock you and curse you as evil because you follow the Son of Man. When that happens, be happy! Yes, leap for joy!  For a great reward awaits you in heaven. 

One reason for joy, then, is the hope we have of what awaits us.  This life is not all there is for us.  Regardless of what is happening to me right now, I have a great future awaiting me and when I realize that I have something to look forward to it can give me a sense of peace and comfort.  This present circumstance may be terrible but it is not the end.

But how do I find joy in difficult times for the “here and now.”  Does this mean my only joy is in anticipating what will come in the future?  Can I find joy in this life now?

The Psalmist gave us the secret when he wrote:

in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

When we learn to stop running about and trying to solve everything ourself, when we take time to be still and quiet with the Lord, when we allow our minds to dwell on Him and His Word, we will find that joy that Peter wrote about that is:

At present you trust him without being able to see him, and even now he brings you a joy that words cannot express

The joy of the Lord gives us strength to face those difficult circumstances because it is the joy that comes from a real relationship with Him, not from something we can create.  I submit if you are lacking joy, ask yourself these questions:

  1. When was the last time I spend some time just sitting quietly reading God’s Word or listening to a good worship song and just remained quiet and allowed God to speak to my heart?
  2. When was the last time I took some moments to sincerely make a list of all the blessings God had given me and then took some time to truly thank Him?
  3. When was the last time I looked at the difficult situations in my life and asked God to show me where/how I could use these times to grow more like Him?

As we take time to focus on God, to allow Him to speak to us, as we come into His presence, there we will find the joy of the Lord.

Help us all Lord in the midst of our busy and crazy lives to take that time and allow You to minister to us of your love and fill us with your joy.

 

 

 

Words Do Matter and I’m NOT Ugly!

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Sticks and Stones

Edgewood, Illinois.

Just the mention of that town brings back bad memories.  About three months into my sixth grade school year, we moved from Mason to Edgewood (both small towns about 10 miles apart).  For me, they were opposite sides of the universe.  Mason Grade School was one of my happiest times in school.  I had lots of friends, was always busy playing with the group at recess.  I took my hula hoop to school each day and we would all gather in the playground after lunch to see who could keep the hoop going the longest.  It was great!

My fifth grade teacher was very impressed with me and told mother in testing they had done I tested as a genius.  She also thought I was the most polite child she had ever had in her classes.  When I began sixth grade my teacher designed extra curriculum for me and talked about advancing me to the next grade.   I was a very confident and happy girl.

Then came Edgewood

Shortly after sixth grade started my family moved to Edgewood and there I lost my confidence and happiness.

The school building at Edgewood had eight grades in four rooms.  The first four grades were on the lower floor and the last four grades were upstairs.  My first morning at Edgewood, I started climbing up the stairs to go to my new classroom.  About half way up the stairs, I met two boys coming down the stairs.  As they got about two stairs above me, one of the boys grabbed the other boy, pointed at me and in a very loud voice said, “Move over!  Don’t get near her.  That’s the ugliest girl I have ever seen.”  They both laughed and moved over as far to the other side of the staircase as they could get from me.  I hurried on up to my classroom hoping they would not be in my class.

Shortly after the teacher had showed me where I would sit and I was settled in my new desk, in walked the young boy who had just called me the ugliest girl he has ever seen.  He was sitting in the next row over from me.  Every time the teacher’s back was turned, he would look at me and make faces as if the sight of me was making him sick.  Kids around him started laughing.  Of course, when the teacher turned around and wanted to know what was funny, nobody seemed to know.

The harassment continued on the play ground.  When we played games that required us to pick participants, he would always yell out, “Don’t pick the ugly girl.”  Everyone would laugh and I would be the last one picked.  He was obviously the leader of the kids and he saw to it that no one played with me or sat with me after lunch.

Every day I cried as I walked to school.  I couldn’t wait for the dismissal bell to ring so I could get out of there.  I quit bringing my hula hoop to school because no one wanted me to play with me.  Most of the time after lunch I would sit and read my Bible.  Of course, that probably brought more ridicule for me.

Until that time I had not really given much thought about how I looked.  What little thought I had given was positive.  In second grade I had been in a style show at the high school with my oldest sister  She had made us matching dresses and we were part of a program at the high school showcasing the talents of the students.  My sister practiced with me over and over how I was to walk out on the stage, how to turn around to show off my dress and then return to the back of the stage.  I was the hit of the show.  Everyone had commented how cute I was, how beautiful my red hair was.  My sister was clearly very proud of me.

Everywhere my family went, people would comment on my beautiful red hair so I had a pretty positive image of myself.  But the experiences at Edgewood Grade School left me feeling very ugly.  All though my teenage years and even into adulthood, I felt ugly.  Although the compliments on my red hair continued, I always thought “Yeah, my hair is pretty but it doesn’t make up for the fact that my face is ugly.”

It was only years later that I came to understand perhaps why this boy made so much fun of me.  He was a poor student, barely passing.  He was also a bully and a trouble maker and spent a lot of time in the principal’s office or in detention after school.  And guess who his mother was?  My fifth grade teacher.

I, of course, do not know, but as an adult I realize it is very possible that his mother had told him about me transferring to his school and perhaps bragged on what a smart and polite student I was.  Or, maybe he was just a bully who picked on me because I was the new kid.

Looking at pictures of me as a teenager now I realize while I was no Miss America, I actually was a pretty cute kid.  How sad that it was not until I reached my 40’s that I began to gain confidence in my appearance.

Words matter!

So sad to see today how bullying on social media is causing other young girls and boys to have no confidence in who they are.  I also hate it when I hear parents in the stores yelling at their kids sometimes telling them they are stupid, dumb, mean.

Words matter!  Think before you speak.  Speak up when you see someone bullying another.

International Scrabble Day

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Scrabble

Now here’s a holiday to celebrate!

Today is National Scrabble Day and what better way to celebrate than to try to beat my husband in a game of Scrabble.  I have shared before that I am an addict.  Confessions of a Scrabble Addict!  There are groups for those trying to overcome addiction to drugs or alcohol but there is nothing to help those of us who cannot stop trying to make words out of every sign, every book title, every thing we see in writing.  So I guess I am stuck with my addiction.   My Addiction has Returned

Today lets me know I am not alone!

There are apparently many more out there who love Scrabble.  There is an International Scrabble Club created and run by the player known as Carol (real name Florin Gheorghe), who lives in Romania.  There is a World Scrabble Championship which is held every year with players from more than 30 countries.  This championship is the most prestigious title in competitive English language Scrabble.   Contestants come from more than 30 countries to compete.  The 2017 North American Scrabble Championship is scheduled to take place in New Orleans.

Serious Competition

While we will never make it to the national championship, we keep up a tough competition between us.   Many of our games are very close but last January was one for the books.  When the game ended I was one point ahead of my husband.  However, because I had one tile that I had not played, its point value had to be taken from me and added to my husband’s score.  That gave him the game with one point ahead of me.  Needless to say, I was NOT a happy camper.

We also compete to see who can get the highest score in a game.  So far, my husband holds that title with a game played back in May 2015 with 961 points.  Yes we do keep records of our scores.  I told you we are addicts.

Another area where we compete is to see who can play all seven tiles in one turn.  For years I was way behind my husband.  But slowly I have learned to do as he does and keep shuffling my tiles around to see what words I can make.  Of course, this takes time so we have to be patient with each other.  Some of the crazy words we have come up with over the years include unbonnet and yaupings.  He loves to keep reminding me that twice he has had a game where he played all seven tiles five different times.

We have become familiar with the Greek, Hebrew and Arabic alphabet as those words are allowed in Scrabble.  There are 105 playable two-letters words in a regulation Scrabble game, according to the Official Scrabble players’ dictionary and we have memorized most of those.

So for my fellow Scrabble lovers

Scrabble joke