This was recently shared by a pastor and so funny I wanted to share with my readers.
Father: What does the Bible say about how you treat your father and mother?
Child: Honor thy father and mother.
Father: Good. What does the Bible say about how you treat your siblings?
Child: Thou shall not kill.
When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer 17 years ago my oldest daughter bought me a small porcelain doll – a little clown. All through my treatment the little doll sat on my desk at work smiling at me and encouraging me that I was going to make it through this tough time.
As I lost my hair during the treatment and it began to come back in grey I really liked that underneath that hat my buddy had grey hair too.
Although my hair did come back – it never came back thick as it had been before the treatment. In fact, it is so thin that I have continued to wear a wig because I am almost bald.
At first the idea of having little hair was depressing, but I decided to not dwell on the negative, but find the positive.
Wearing a wig meant no bad hair day. Think of the hours I save not sitting in a beauty shop. Financially I was also ahead of the game. Granted wigs are not cheap – but they are still a better deal than all the money spent on hair cuts.
As I adjusted to the “almost bald” head, one day I accidentally bumped the doll and it fell on its side. As it did so, the hat came off and I found that my cancer buddy had also gone bald.
Just like me she had a small amount of hair toward the back of her head but basically she was bald. Laughing, I discovered the hair had come off in her hat.
Now that I am retired, the doll sits on the desk in my home office. I keep her hat on so she won’t be embarrassed by her bald head. But every and now then I take it off and have a good laugh.
A memory just popped up on my Facebook page where I shared a conversation I had with my granddaughter four years ago. So funny! Still brings a smile.
Zoe: Grandma, tell me a story about Jesus.
Me: When Jesus was a little boy. (Quickly interrupted by Zoe.)
Zoe: No, Grandma, say “Once upon a time.”
It’s almost Mother’s Day – and my memories of Mom keep coming back so strong. She was such a feisty lady. In her 60’s she drove a bright yellow car and slowed down only slightly for stop signs. She loved to show my daughters how to do the Charleston. (Does the younger generation today have any idea what that is?)
She gave me a lot of good advice (some I followed, some I did not). But in honor of her great sense of humor, I thought I would share some things my mother NEVER said to me. (And I’m sure there are things other mothers have NEVER said to their children.)
Love playing school with my granddaughter. Although we have to play by her rules.
She tells me what character I will be – and she tells me what I am supposed to say.
So really I don’t have to use my imagination – I just follow Zoe’s scrip.
This week we had a music class.
She was the teacher – Mrs. Z.
Our stuffed animal friend, Willie, was himself – Willie.
I was Susie Q, a not very bright student.
She drew the treble clef on the chalk board and proceeded to explain to me how to remember what notes were on the different lines.
For anyone who has had some music lessons you know we were taught that little sentence
Good boys do fine always
to help us remember the notes on the five lines were g – b – d – f – a.
She said we needed to come up with other ways to remember the notes. Since Susie Q is not too bright, she could not think of any other sentences to remember the notes. (Maybe that’s because Susie Q is really not a young student, but an old grandma whose mind is stuck on that sentence she learned years ago as a young child.)
But not to worry. Mrs. Z is very intelligent and she had a new way to remember it.
Good burgers deserve fries always.
After this we had a math class and Mrs. Z tried to show Susie Q how to do the “new” math.
Needless to say, school ended very quickly after that as Susie Q could not understand the new math at all.
By the time school was over, Susie Q was exhausted and needed a nap.
Mrs. Z a/k/a Zoe must have enjoyed it because she told her mother:
I need a sleepover at Grandma’s.
We have set a date and I will need to spend some time trying to think of a new sentence for the treble clef lines, try to understand the new math and – most importantly – get a good nap in before she comes.
A gift from my youngest daughter
March 4, 1998 – My youngest daughter surprised my husband and me by bringing home gifts for us both. It was not our birthday, anniversary, not any holiday. It was one of those “just because” gifts that are so special.
One of the gifts that day was “The Joy Journal” by Barbara Johnson. Known by many as the “Christian Erma Bombeck”, she wrote many hilarious books such as:
and
Barbara wrote in the introduction to this journal
This Journal is a new way for you to add joy to your life. When good things happen to lighten your load and brighten your day, write them down. When someone pays you a compliment, write it down. When you remember nice things from the past, write them down. Let the journal become a personal treasure chest – your collected thoughts of hope, gladness, and love. When you start to collect joy, you will find it’s a magnet. Joy is everywhere. All you have to do is look for it and use it instead of saving it for Sunday-Best.
Less you think Barbara Johnson lived in denial and was just a “Pollyanna” telling people to “be happy” without really knowing what problems and sorrow were, she had plenty of sadness in her own life.
Barbara lost two sons, one in Vietnam and one at the hands of a drunk driver. Another was estranged for several years. A few years after her husband’s death she was diagnosed with Central Nervous System Lymphoma (CNS), a brain tumor and also diabetes. Refusing to give in to despair, Barbara chose humor and looking for joy as a way to beat the odds of adversity. In 2005 the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association awarded her the prestigious Life Time Achievement Award. Her book “Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy” has sold over one million copies. While facing death, she was working on a proposed final book, Joyfully, Barb!
So – I took her at her advice and began looking for joy – and recording it. Now 20 years later, I look back at all the entries in my journal and Barbara was right. She had said this journal would be “a treasury of gladness to inspire you for years to come.” And it has.
Most of my grandchildren are all grown up now – but I pull this journal out and relive those moments of joy I shared with them. Here are just a few that make me smile and I hope they will also bring a smile to your face.
Matthew and Robert – my ‘little grandsons now all grown up
March 7, 1998 – Rob and Rebekah took Matthew to kindergarten roundup this week, a chance to show him the classroom, meet the teachers, etc. After coming home he informed us that he was going to love kindergarten because there were lots of girls and they were going to love him!
January 16, 1999 – Robert spent the night with us and I took him to the Putnam Museum. On the way there he just kept talking and talking. I always want to give my grandchildren my attention when they are with me, but I had a headache and did not really feel like listening to his chatter. So I told him, “Robert, Grandma has a headache and I don’t really feel like paying attention to what you are saying right now.” His response was so funny, I had to try hard not to laugh. He said, “It’s okay Grandma. You don’t have to listen. I just want to talk.”
My beautiful granddaughter who is also my namesake, Barbara
April 4, 1998 – Took Barbara shopping at the mall. Brought her a necklace and a headband. We had tacos and sundaes. She has been trying hard to “be good” so her parents would let her have this date with me. As we were enjoying our sundaes she told me, “Momma is wondering if I am going to still be good tomorrow. I’m not going to tell her but I’m going to surprise her and be good. I’m going to try hard to be good but if I mess up, I’m going to say ‘I’m sorry.'”
Granddaughter, Abby, has a lot of musical talent
I don’t have a date written down for the laughter this granddaughter gave us but when she was quite young she came with her siblings to spent a week with us. Helping her Aunt make some cookies, she sat on the counter and began chattering away. Seeing a frown on her grandpa’s face she asked, “Am I annoying you Grandpa?” When he said yes she quickly responded “Good!” Which brought laughter to us all – including Grandpa.
There are many, many more memories I could share but I’m sure at some point you would stop reading. But I want to encourage you to look for joy that is all around you and record those special times. Not only will you enjoy the moment, but like me, years later you can remember and experience the joy all over again.
As Barbara Johnson said in her journal, “Laughter is like a shock absorber that eases the blows of life.”
Get busy looking for joy! I wish you good hunting!
Grandma's Ramblings 