Who reads the church’s bulletin?

bulleti

I do the weekly church bulletin and monthly newsletter for my church.  It is a job that I take seriously.  Each week I try to promote the various programs of my church, enlist volunteers as needed and share words that I hope will encourage and challenge our church family.

My husband helps greet and pass out the bulletins each week.  I notice basically three groups of people who are offered a bulletin.  One group seems happy to get it, opens it and reads it.  Sometimes they even tell me how they enjoy the bulletins.  Another group takes one but clearly just puts it in their purse or bible to be discarded without actually reading.  A small group even refuses one clearly not interested in anything that might be in the bulletin.  While I am do not mind people not taking or not reading the bulletin, I just find it interesting that later many will say they did not know about an event coming up that was in the bulletin.

Since we do not take a lot of time from our worship or sharing of the Word to make announcements, my pastor has tried to encourage those who do not read the bulletin to begin using it so they are better informed about what is going on in the church.  To encourage this, he has offered to give $5.00 to anyone who finds a typo in the bulletin.  Being somewhat of a perfectionist, I strive to make sure there are no typos.

However, last week I made a mistake in announcing a women’s event.  I listed the event as being on Saturday rather than Friday.  One of our young girls spotted the mistake (for which I am grateful so we did not have people missing on Friday and showing up on Saturday) and claimed the $5.00.

This started me thinking about all the bulletin bloopers I have seen over the years.  As one who has done bulletins for years, I tend to spot mistakes in church bulletins when I visit other churches.  I have collected some of the funniest and I thought you might enjoy a good laugh so I will share a few.

DISCLAIMER:  Not all of these are ones I personally saw – several are ones that have been posted in other blogs and articles.  I do not mean to plagiarize but since I do not know who to give credit for the ones that are not my own originals, please let me know if you know who should be given credit for these.

Enjoy and have a laugh!

laughing

Oh – yeah — and if you go to church, read your bulletin!

  1. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery down stairs.
  2. Thursday night: Potluck Supper – Prayer and medication will follow.
  3. Evening massage – 6 p.m.
  4. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
  5. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
  6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
  7. The ‘Over 60s Choir’ will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
  8. Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
  9. A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

 

Little Country Church

DSCF0242

Little church in the country

Growing up my earliest memories of church took place at Zion Methodist Church.  This country church is just east of the town of Mt. Vernon, Illinois where I was born many, many years ago.  My mother and father made a commitment to serve the Lord in this little church when I was just a few months old.  Although I was obviously too young to remember anything about this event, I heard my father tell the story so many times I feel as if I do remember it.

The Story Goes

My parents were not followers of Christ and enjoyed going to the movies on Sunday nights.  My oldest sister, who was nine years old, started attending church with my aunt and uncle.  Although only a young girl she understood the simple salvation message the minister preached and made a commitment to God.  After that she began begging my parents to attend church with her.  One evening to just shut her up they agreed to pass up the movies and go to church with her.

Adam, where art thou?

My father sat through the worship, but about halfway through the sermon, his cigarette habit called to him.  At least that was the reason he was giving for leaving in the middle of the service.  Later he admitted he was feeling God speaking to his heart and he knew if he did not get out of the building, he would have to surrender his life to God.

He got up and started to the center aisle when the minister reached the point in his message where he said,

And God said, Adam, where art thou?

My father often spoke of this moment with great feeling.  He said his ears heard “Adam where art thou?” but his heart heard “Hal, where art thou?”

Decision time

At that moment he knew he had to make a decision.  Would he turn to his right and walk out of the church and silence the voice of God speaking to his heart?  Would he turn to his left and walk down to the altar and surrender his heart and life to Jesus Christ?

I am so thankful he made that turn to his left and said yes to the call of God.  I spent the first six years of my life every Sunday morning at the church.  My Sunday School teacher was the same one my father had when he was a young boy and attended that church with his mother.

fanspotbelly stove

The church was heated by a pot belly stove in the center aisle.  In the summer there was no air conditioning, but we used paper fans.  Most of the fans had advertising from a local funeral home.

Because I was very young, I would often fall asleep in the Sunday evening services.  One evening my family started home, my folks in the front seat and my siblings in the back.  About half way home they realized I was not in the car.  My parents had thought I was sitting on my older sister’s lap in the back seat as I often did that.  My siblings thought I was layig down on my mother’s lap in the front.  They quickly turned around and headed back to the church.  Thankfully I was still asleep in one of the pews.  I cannot imagine how frightened I would have been if I had awoke and found myself alone in the darkened church.

Such are my memories of this little country church.  On a recent trip down memory lane I asked my husband to take me to the church and let me get a picture.  Standing in front of the church – all the memories that came flooding my heart and mind.  My parents are now gone, my aunt and uncle also.  But I will always treasure that little church where I first heard the words:

“Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”

 

Worship – What’s Your Style – Part II

I recently wrote an article about how we treat worship like we do a movie or a theatre performance instead of what it should be – honoring the Lord.  https://barblaneblog.com/2017/04/04/worship-whats-your-style/

While working on our church newsletter I found this cartoon and just had to share it.  Hope it brings a laugh – and maybe a more serious thought about how you approach worship.

Image processed by CodeCarvings Piczard ### FREE Community Edition ### on 2015-05-20 20:58:59Z | http://piczard.com | http://codecarvings.com

View from the Parsonage

 Pastor’s WifethCA5306T5

For many years I was a pastor’s wife.  In many ways, it was a blessing for which I am thankful.  What a privilege to be allowed into the lives of families at those very joyous times:  weddings, baby dedications, graduations, anniversaries.  I have enjoyed providing the music for many a bride to walk down the aisle.

It was also an honor to share with families at those sad times:  deaths, divorce, sickness.  While “enjoy” is probably not the right word to use, I have felt blessed to provide music for the funeral of many a dear saint.

What a joy to share God’s Word in a class with the children or young adults and to see that moment when their eyes light up with understanding, to watch them grow in their walk with the Lord!

But if I am honest, I must admit that there are also times when being a pastor’s wife felt anything BUT a privilege and honor.  Times when I wanted to run from the parsonage and say, “I quit!”  It’s hard to hear your husband criticized and hold your tongue.  Frustrating when you have planned a date night, are all dressed up and about to walk out the door only to have it cancelled because someone in the congregation calls and needs your husband.  Or, you are just about to sit down to a family meal when the phone rings – and off he goes.  There were times I wanted to pull the phone out of the wall.

But along the way, I have had moments when I wanted to laugh!  Some silly and funny times.  I always said when my husband retired, I was going to write a book about “The View from the Parsonage.”

Well, there’s no book – but I certainly want to share some funny stories in my blog.  I promised my husband –

the names will be changed to protect the innocent – and the guilty.

For now, let me just share with you some thoughts –

You might be a pastor’s wife if:

  • You’ve ever had a church board hand you a job description with no attached salary package.
  • You are the secretary at the church.
  • You are not the secretary at the church, but people assume you are.
  • You think about burning down the church if that would give you more time with your pastor.
  • You used communion cups to serve your grandchildren orange juice.
  • People automatically assume you know the inside scoop on everything going on at church…and you do…but your lips must remain sealed.
  • You are expected to attend 2 baby showers, 3 birthday parties, 2 weddings and 1 graduation in a month (and, of course, brings gifts for each one).
  • You’ve ever had someone angry with you because you sent a card, but didn’t come to see them.
  • You’ve ever had someone angry with you because you came to see them, but didn’t send a card.
  • Your house sometimes feels like an extension of the church with all the traffic it gets.
  • Your husband always knows someone or someone always know him, everywhere you go.
  • Your husband is constantly excited to tell you something else he’s learned…and you struggle to remain as enthusiastic as you wish you could be.
  • You get roped into proof-reading or listening to the rough drafts of sermons…all the time.
  • You’ve resigned yourself to the fact that there will always be more books that your husband will want but will never read…but will buy anyway.
  • You could pay off your house if you just sold all the Bibles laying around the place.

There will be more stories to come!  Believe me, I have plenty.

If you read this and are a pastor’s wife, I would love to hear from you – to hear some of your stories!