I Didn’t Recognize You With Your Clothes On!

Posted on January 19, 2023 by Grandma's Ramblings

One story my husband hates for me to tell – but I get such fun out of telling is the Sunday a visitor showed up at church.

My husband loved to get out of the office and into the community. He felt just sitting at a desk all week was not the best way to be a help and influence to the community. Since he is a Pepsi fan (I always said if he needs a blood transfusion they could just use Diet Pepsi instead of blood), he always stopped at the local Casey’s for a soda while he was out visiting.

Stopping two or three times a week at the same Casey’s, he became friends with the cashier and often invited her to come to church. She always had some reason why she could not come.

Then one day she surprised my husband by showing up for the morning worship. As my husband greeted her in the foyer, she loudly proclaimed, Pastor Paul, I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!

I wish I had a camera with me that day to get a picture of the shocked look on his face. Then, a second later, a picture of the woman’s face as she realized what her comments sounded like and her face turned all shades of red.

Looking around at the congregation that stood by very puzzled at her statement, she explained what she meant. “I mean, I always see you in jeans and a t-shirt. I have never seen you in your suit and tie.”

While my husband hoped that everyone who heard her first statement also heard the second one, I just stood there and laughed and laughed! I still tease him from time to time that I did not know he made pastoral calls in the nude!

Frustrations, Laughter and Joy

Posted on January 3, 2023 by Grandma's Ramblings

As another new year comes around, my mind races back to other new years and other times. Recently I was thinking about the life of a pastor and his family and the frustrations, the laughter and the joy that life brings. Three different stories came to mind that illustrate all three scenarios.

THE FRUSTRATIONS

One Sunday morning as my husband was greeting the church members after service, one man stopped him and said, “Pastor, you know what is wrong with this church?” Smiling while thinking “I didn’t know anything was wrong – and who asked you,” my husband asked him what he thought was wrong. His response: “You are too organized.”

Continuing to shake hands with the other members, a woman stopped him and said, “Pastor, you know what is wrong with this church?” Now my husband took a deep breath, smiled and said “What is wrong?” Her response: “You are not organized enough”

THE LAUGHTER

There was a woman in one of our churches that bounced from church to church throughout the community. She was a little slow mentally and when she came to our church we tried our best to make her feel welcome.

One Sunday my husband told the congregation that we would be out-of-town the following weekend as we were going to visit relatives in North Carolina. He was encouraging everyone to please attend as members often stay home if the pastor is not going to be there.

This woman raised her hand and when my husband asked her what she wanted she asked him: “Is Barbara going with you?” Of course I was going and my husband replied in the affirmative.

The entire congregation tried so hard not to laugh when she said, “Well, if she can’t go with you, I can.”

THE JOY

One morning as my husband and I headed across the parking lot from the parsonage to the church office a car pulled into the driveway and a young woman got out to talk to us. She was looking for the church that was administering the WIC (Women, Infants and Children) nutrition program. We gave her directions to the local church that had the program.

She lingered after we gave her the information and seemed as if she was troubled and wanted to talk. We invited her into the office and she began to share how she was pregnant and wanted to keep the baby but her boyfriend told her it was either him or the baby. If she did not abort the child, he was kicking her out of their apartment and breaking off their relationship. She clearly did not want to abort the child but was unsure if she could raise a child by herself.

We spend time with her discussing her options.

She could obtain an abortion and keep her home and relationship with her boyfriend.
She could seek help from others, give birth to the baby and then put it up for adoption.
She could seek help from others and raise the child herself.

While we tried not to judge her or her boyfriend we naturally advocated for the life of the child. It was clear she really wanted that, but just needed some help in not only making that decision but being able to have resources so she could keep that choice.

I made a list of phone numbers of various resources that would help her including the local Pregnancy Resource Center. We also gave her our phone number and told her we would do anything we could to help her with doctor visits, baby supplies, etc.

After prayer with her, she left saying she did not know what she would do but she would keep in mind our offer of help and the list of resources I had given her.

Weeks, months went by and we never heard from her again. I agonized over whether we had not made it clear enough that we and our church were willing to help her.

Almost 3 years later we had a district meeting at our church. Several other churches in the area were in attendance. A young woman walked up to me with a beautiful little girl in her arms. She asked: “Do you recognize me?”

I did not know who she was. Tears of joy quickly came to my eyes as she identified herself as the young woman who we had counseled and prayed with over the decision of abortion. Although she had never called us back she had gone to the Pregnancy Resource Center. They helped her with doctor visits and baby clothes and gave her the friendship she needed to carry though with the birth of that little girl.

She thanked me that we had taken the time to help her walk through the options she had and offered resources to help her in her choice of life.

So – you add it up. The joys and the laughs far outweigh the frustrations.

The frustrations are gone, but the funny things still bring a laugh, and the joys still make it all seem worthwhile.

View From the Parsonage

Posted on November 19, 2022 by Grandma's Ramblings

(This was my first post when I started my blog. Revisiting it still makes me laugh. Hope it will you also.)

For many years I was a pastor’s wife. In many ways, it was a blessing for which I am thankful. What a privilege to be allowed into the lives of families at those very joyous times: weddings, baby dedications, graduations, anniversaries. I have enjoyed providing the music for many a bride to walk down the aisle.

It was also an honor to share with families at those sad times: deaths, divorce, sickness. While “enjoy” is probably not the right word to use, I have felt blessed to provide music for the funeral of many a dear saint.

What a joy to share God’s Word in a class with the children or young adults and to see that moment when their eyes light up with understanding, to watch them grow in their walk with the Lord!

But if I am honest, I must admit that there are also times when being a pastor’s wife felt anything BUT a privilege and honor. Times when I wanted to run from the parsonage and say, “I quit!” It’s hard to hear your husband criticized and hold your tongue. Frustrating when you have planned a date night, are all dressed up and about to walk out the door only to have it cancelled because someone in the congregation calls and needs your husband. Or, you are just about to sit down to a family meal when the phone rings – and off he goes. There were times I wanted to pull the phone out of the wall.

But along the way, I have had moments when I wanted to laugh! Some silly and funny times. I always said when my husband retired, I was going to write a book about “The View from the Parsonage.”

Well, there’s no book – but I certainly want to share some funny stories in my blog. I promised my husband –

the names will be changed to protect the innocent – and the guilty.

For now, let me just share with you some thoughts –

You might be a pastor’s wife if:

You’ve ever had a church board hand you a job description with no attached salary package.
You are the secretary at the church.
You are not the secretary at the church, but people assume you are.
You think about burning down the church if that would give you more time with your pastor.
You used communion cups to serve your grandchildren orange juice.
People automatically assume you know the inside scoop on everything going on at church…and you do…but your lips must remain sealed.
You are expected to attend 2 baby showers, 3 birthday parties, 2 weddings and 1 graduation in a month (and, of course, brings gifts for each one).
You’ve ever had someone angry with you because you sent a card, but didn’t come to see them.
You’ve ever had someone angry with you because you came to see them, but didn’t send a card.
Your house sometimes feels like an extension of the church with all the traffic it gets.
Your husband always knows someone or someone always know him, everywhere you go.
Your husband is constantly excited to tell you something else he’s learned…and you struggle to remain as enthusiastic as you wish you could be.
You get roped into proof-reading or listening to the rough drafts of sermons…all the time.
You’ve resigned yourself to the fact that there will always be more books that your husband will want but will never read…but will buy anyway.
You could pay off your house if you just sold all the Bibles laying around the place.

There will be more stories to come! Believe me, I have plenty.

If you read this and are a pastor’s wife, I would love to hear from you – to hear some of your stories!

My Little Composer

Posted on January 8, 2020 by Grandma's Ramblings

Years ago my father sometimes held revivals in small churches in southern Illinois. Many of the churches either had no piano player (this was before the era of drums and guitars in worship) or a very untalented player. Since he felt music was important for sharing the gospel, he came up with a solution.

He would give his daughter piano lessons and she could go with him to play at these services.

I was excited to learn to play. Unlike most piano students who start with music books like “John Thompson’s Modern Course for the Piano,” my book was an old hymnbook.

The first song I learned to play was an OLD hymn called “When I See the Blood.” It was written in the key of “C” with no sharps or flats and a good place to start for a beginner where I could just play on the “white” keys.

After 10 months of lessons I was quite adept at playing all the songs in the hymnbook. My teacher said I was the best student she had ever had and she wanted to teach me classical music. I was so excited as I started this course of study.

Shortly after a few lessons in this new genre, my father felt learning classical music was money wasted. He wanted someone to play in church. Who needed to know how to play Bach or Beethoven?

Although I had no more lessons as a child, I continued to study on my own and took more lessons as an adult.

My music has been such a blessing to me – and I hope to others.

When I have experienced great “highs” and great “lows” in my life, music has been a release. I can play lively show tunes or songs of praise in times of great joy. When I have experienced times of distress or sorrow, music has also been a place of comfort.

Now I am enjoying one of the greatest joys of my musical experience. My little granddaughter has a love for music and for the piano. A few months ago I started giving her lessons. Her parents say they never have to tell her practice – she loves to play and needs no prompting to play.

What is so sweet – last week she decided to become a composer. She has a lot of stuffed animals she calls the wolf pack and she is writing a song for them. “The Theme of the Wolf Pack.” Not only is she writing the music – she also has words to go with the music.

She is not quite ready to draw the lines and the actual notes so she has just written the letter of the note and has specified in some cases if it is the right or the left hand that plays the note. She also has a repeat bar at the end so you can go back and play for the second verse she has yet to write.

It thrills this old grandma’s heart to be able to share this love of music and pass on a little of my own knowledge to the next generation.

Who knows? Maybe some day she will write songs of worship for her generation to praise the Lord!

My Husband Says

Posted on December 5, 2019 by Grandma's Ramblings

During my marriage to my pastor husband, I have kept scrapbooks of our many years in ministry. Looking through the scrapbooks tonight I came across the pages from when my husband retired as pastor. (This was his first retirement. He came out of retirement twice – once to serve with me as worship pastors, once to be an interim pastor for a local church.)

Part of the ceremony of that day included a bulletin summarizing some of his work. Looking at the bulletin, I found his “Top Ten Sayings.”

Thought perhaps some might find them interesting. Some are a little amusing but many contain a truth to consider.

Say “no” to sin and “yes” to God.
Eternity is too long to be wrong.
What part of “thou shalt not” did you not understand?
You have a right to be wrong if you want to.
There is more to serving God than 11 am on Sunday morning.
Emotion without devotion is just commotion.
Serving God is walking straight after you repent.
I never saw a U-Haul behind a hearse.
If you want something out of church, put something in.
It is not what Grandma told you, what you think or what you saw that is the truth, but what “thus says the Lord.”

Giving Only What I Can Afford

Posted on November 10, 2018 by Grandma's Ramblings

In the Gospel of Mark Jesus pointed out to His disciples a widow woman who placed two little coins in the offering box in the Temple. Compared to the much larger amounts they had seen others give earlier, her offering seemed like nothing. Yet Jesus pointed out that they had given of their abundance while her offering consisted of all she had – a much greater sacrifice and gift.

widow

Jesus explained that the rich people had given “what they can easily afford” while she had given “her whole living.”

This has me thinking – do I only give what I can afford or do I give my all?

When we talk about giving in relationship to God, we usually think of money and in this instance it was money that was being discussed. And certainly I have to admit when it comes to financial giving, I certainly use a lot of my income on myself. As I look at my checkbook, I have to ask myself if I am only giving what I can easily afford to the work of God.

Giving financially to God is more than just giving to my local church, although it does include that. But there are so many other areas where I need to share my abundance with others:

helping teachers and schools with supplies
buying shoes for children from families who are struggling financially
buying a meal for a homeless person
taking food to the local food pantry
many non-profit organizations like American Cancer Society, St Jude’s Hospital for Children, Wycliffe Bible Translators and the list goes on and on

My first thought is I do not have an abundance financially. But I have to ask myself if I am only giving what I can easily afford. Am I really making any personal sacrifices giving up things I don’t really need, only want, to help others whose finances are much less than mine.

But giving to God is much more than just giving of my finances. There is my time and my talent.

time

How much of my time do I spend doing things I want to do, things which will help me or my family? How much of my time do I spend reaching out to others.

This was really brought home to me this past month. We just moved to a new state. Just a couple of days after moving in with boxes still everywhere our doorbell rang. It was a neighbor coming over to say welcome. My first thought was “how nice!” I invited her in and we began getting acquainted. After 30 minutes had passed and she showed no sign of leaving, I must confess I so wanted her to leave. After all, I had boxes to unpack and a long, long list of things that must be taken care of when you move from one state to another: new car title and license, new driver’s license, new car insurance, and my list went on and on.

Finally she left and I told my husband I was worried that she would be a nuisance. She was elderly and clearly lonely. She also repeated herself several times. I dreaded the time she might take up coming over to visit.

Then, I remembered what Jesus said and I felt the Spirit’s conviction as I realized I have an abundance of time. My husband and I are both retired, we only have one daughter and her family living close by. We have lots of time to enjoy.

So – will I be willing to give up some of my time – my abundance of time – to spend time with this neighbor – listening to the same story and showing interest as if it was the first time I had heard it? Do I really need to spend all my time just doing what I like to do, just enjoying myself or do I need to give my all as Jesus would have me do?

So I have determined to visit this woman every week, to take an hour or two to sit and listen to her stories, to make her feel important to me. To give out of my abundance.

View from the Parsonage – Frustration – Laughter – Joy

Posted on August 8, 2018 by Grandma's Ramblings

thCA5306T5

When I first started my blog I said I was going to share some funny stories about the joys (and trials) of being a pastor’s wife. I shared a few stories but then thought perhaps I should just keep my funny tales to myself. Here are the few I shared if you want a good laugh.

View from the Parsonage

I Didn’t Recognize You With Your Clothes On!

She Was Available!

Recently I was thinking about the life of a pastor and his family and the frustrations, the laughter and the joy that life brings. Three different stories came to mind that illustrate all three scenarios.

The Frustrations

frustration

The Laughter

laugher

This woman raised her hand and when my husband asked her what she wanted she asked him: “Is Barbara going with you?” Of course I was going and my husband replied in the affirmative.

The entire congregation tried so hard not to laugh when she said, “Well, if she can’t go with you, I can.”

The Joy

joy

We spend time with her discussing her options.

She could obtain an abortion and keep her home and relationship with her boyfriend.
She could seek help from others, give birth to the baby and then put it up for adoption.
She could seek help from others and raise the child herself.

After prayer with her, she left saying she did not know what she would do but she would keep in mind our offer of help and the list of resources I had given her.

Weeks, months went by and we never heard from her again. I agonized over whether we had not made it clear enough that we and our church were willing to help her.

She thanked me that we had taken the time to help her walk through the options she had and offered resources to help her in her choice of life.

So – you add it up. The joys and the laughs far outweigh the frustrations.

The frustrations are gone, but the funny things still bring a laugh and the joys still make it all seem worthwhile.

The Joy of Being Number 2

Posted on May 14, 2018 by Grandma's Ramblings

We all love a winner!

We hold parades, parties, all kinds of celebrations when our team becomes state champion. Coming in second in a state-wide contest leaves people feeling so dejected. They seem to forget that being second means they have beat out many other teams.

#1 team

In the Olympics, athletics say they are going for the gold. You don’t win silver, you lose gold.

This desire to be number 1 is not necessarily a bad thing. To try to do your best, to succeed, to take pride in what you achieve, to have a healthy self-esteem are all good qualities.

But when that desire to be number 1 becomes so important that it leads us to step on others to reach the top, to despair when we do not achieve first place or to be overly prideful when we do, it has become a negative influence in our life.

For years I struggled with being number 2. As a pastor’s wife, I worked right alongside my husband. I visited women who were in the hospital, counseled those who were struggling with issues of life. I taught Bible classes, played the piano and led the Christian Education department in the churches where my husband was pastor. My youngest daughter and I went to the Philippines with my husband as missionaries. While there we also taught classes and worked with churches. Many Sundays, we each went to a different church to speak. My daughter conducted a Kids Klub and the children in the neighborhood called her “Tita” or “aunt.” I conducted a Bible class for a group of professional women and taught leadership classes to one church’s leadership board.

Yet when we returned to the states and visited the churches who had supported us to give a report of our work, they always introduced my husband and talked about the work he had done there. It was usually

We are glad to have Pastor Paul and his family with us today. Pastor Paul recently returned from the Philippines where he……..

A few times my daughter asked me “Were we there too? Did we do anything?”

But slowly God helped me to see that my motive in working for God must always be to do His will and not to expect or even desire recognition for my efforts.

And it was through reading about Barnabas “the Encourager” in the Bible that I found my role model for all I do.

We first meet Barnabas in Acts 4 where we are told his real name is Joses. But the apostles nicknamed him Barnabas “Son of Encouragement.”

Barnabas

And Joses, who was also named Barnabas by the apostles (which is translated Son of Encouragement), a Levite of the country of Cyprus, having land, sold it, and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet.

I love that thought. To be a person that so encourages others that he becomes known not by his real name but by the nickname of “The Encourager.” That has been my prayer – that I would be someone who encourages, builds up, strengthens others.

The next time we meet Barnabas the gospel has been received in Antioch. When news of the new group of Christians there reached the church in Jerusalem, they sent Barnabas to meet with the Christians there. And there again he encouraged.

News of this reached the church in Jerusalem, and they sent Barnabas to Antioch. When he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts. He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a great number of people were brought to the Lord.

We see Barnabas having success in the work at Antioch. So what did he do? He headed off to Tarsus to find Saul (who became known as Paul, the writer of much of the New Testament).

Barnabas had been Saul’s friend when he first became a Christian. The church at Jerusalem was afraid of Saul because they knew how he had persecuted the Christians. But Barnabas, stepped in and told them Saul was a new man.

When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus.

Barnabas brought Paul back to Antioch where the two of them worked together sharing the gospel with the new church there. As you read the story in the book of Acts, you see for quite a while it is “Barnabas and Paul.” Later in the story it becomes “Paul and Barnabas.”

This is the joy of being willing to be number 2. Barnabas brought Paul from basically exile in Tarsus and encouraged him to become a main leader in the early church.

Barnabas and Paul

The church writes, speaks, quotes Paul a lot. There are churches all over the world named after him.

But it was Barnabas, “the Encourager” who no doubt encouraged Paul to follow the calling of God on his life. We know God had called Paul to the work of bringing the gospel to the Gentiles so he would obviously do that because God is in control. But I like to think that God used Barnabas to help Paul step up and fulfill the call of God on his life.

Finally we see the heart of Barnabas when later in his ministry with Paul, the young man John Mark wanted to go with them on their second missionary journey. Paul refused to take John Mark with them because he had left them halfway through their first missionary journey. Paul was not willing to give him a second chance. But Barnabas’ heart was that of an encourager. He insisted John Mark be given a second chance.

Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left,

Most Bible scholars believe this John Mark was the one who wrote the Gospel of Mark. So again Barnabas was instrumental in helping another young man fulfill the work of God in his life.

That’s what I have asked God to help me be. That one that encourages others to follow the call of God on their life.

barbabas

When we get to heaven, I imagine the lines will be long for those wanting to speak to Paul. That’s okay. But I’m going to look up Barnabas and tell him how he was my role model in life.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Where Is Our Reverence?

Posted on March 29, 2015 by Grandma's Ramblings

AWE-FULL

Great and holy God

awe and reverence

fear and trembling

do not come easily to us

for we are not

Old Testament Jews

or Moses

or mystics

or sensitive enough.

Forgive us

for slouching into Your presence

with little expectation

and less awe

than we would eagerly give a visiting dignitary.

We need

neither Jehovah nor a buddy—

neither “the Great and powerful Oz” nor “the man upstairs.”

Help us

to want what we need…

You

God

and may the altar of our hearts

tremble with delight

at Your visitation

amen.

Frederick Ohler

Fiery Red-heads Have More Fun!

Posted on January 19, 2015 by Grandma's Ramblings

Growing up as a red-head I soon grew tired of all the comments:

Where did she get her red hair? My parents were always asked this since they both had dark hair and my siblings all had brown or black hair.
And my Dad’s response to people’s questions on where I got my red hair – “She stood out in the rain and her hair rusted.”
Is that your natural hair color?
Being told what you can and can’t wear gets annoying. For years I was told I should not wear red. I loved the color and it was not until I was in my late 20’s that I decided to wear what I wanted to wear. To my surprise, I found that I look fine in red!
Hey carrot top!
Hey red!
Hey firetop!
One young boy made my life miserable for a while by chanting every time I came around, “I’d rather be dead than red on the head.”
I bet you have a temper!
Are you Irish?

So for the first few years of my life, I hated being a red-head. Then I discovered what a rare group I belong to (only 1-2% of humans in the world have red hair) and I have loved being a red-head ever since. When my pastor husband and I attended conferences, he said it was great having a wife with red hair. When the meetings broke up and everyone was trying to find their wife in the crowd, he just looked for the red-head – and there I was. It also made it easy when someone would ask him, “Which one is your wife?” Simple answer – “The red-head.”

My two sisters had dark blonde and brown hair. Years later when we would meet someone who knew our family in the past, they always would remember me – “the little red-head” even if they did not remember my sisters. (I think they may have hated that.)

My paternal grandmother had red hair (and Irish ancestry). I was one of the last grand-kids born in the family so by the time I was a young girl, Grandma was losing her sight. When we would visit, she would always have me stand in the doorway where the sun would strike my hair and she could see my long red banana curls (yes, I had banana curls). I think more than anything else seeing Grandma’s pride in me made me feel very special and love the idea of being a red-head. As I have grown older, I have wanted to learn more about my Irish ancestry. Think researching that will be my next item on my “bucket list” in retirement.

Learning more about red-heads I discovered:

Red-heads have influenced history out of proportion to their numbers. Famous red-heads include King David, Helen of Troy, Queen Elizabeth I, Cleopatra, Napoleon Bonaparte, Antonio Vivaldi, Thomas Jefferson, Mark Twain, Winston Churchill – and of course Lucy (although she was a “fake” red-head).
Russian tradition declares that red hair is both a sign that a person holds a fiery temper and craziness. A Russian Proverb warns “There was never a saint with red hair.”
Mark Twain said, “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, red-heads are descended from cats.”
We are a big hit in the wizarding world!

We have the most beautiful Disney princess!

Some “facts” I’m not sure are true, but they certainly are interesting.

Medieval Romanians believed red-heads turned into vampires when they died.
Hitler is reported to have wanted red-heads killed so that they could not produce “degenerate children”.
The witch-hunting manual from medieval Europe, Malleus Maleficarum, instructed that red hair and green eyes were marks of a witch. (Thankfully my eyes are brown.)
And I found there is a study done in Hamburg, Germany and another in England that claimed women with red hair had sex more often. (Not sure if that is a blessing or a curse.)

One question I used to be asked a lot was “Is that your real color?” No one asks that now – guess that’s because they assume that anyone my age who still has red hair must being using Miss Clairol. However, some brave souls do ask me, “Is that the color your hair used to be?”

Well – I don’t use hair dye – I use a wig! After 16 rounds of chemo when battling my breast cancer, I lost my hair. When it grew back, it was still red but very, very thin. After a couple of years of hoping I would regain the thick head of hair I first had, I gave up and popped on a wig.

Yes, my wig is the same color that my hair used to be. Sometimes I think I should buy a grey wig since I’m well past the age of natural red hair. But one thing my husband really loved about me when we got married was my red hair. So – taking the teasing chant the little boy used to taunt me with, I have changed it from, ‘I’d rather be dead than red on the head” to “I will be red until I’m dead.”

Brunettes may be smarter, blondes may have more fun, but nothing beats the intrigue and fascination of being a red-head.

Thank you Grandma Tate Sechrest for my red hair!!!

Grandma's Ramblings

Stories of a lifetime to make you laugh, cry and hopefully walk away encouraged!

Category Archives: Pastor and Family

I Didn’t Recognize You With Your Clothes On!