Continuing with my Friday’s list of quotes to bring wisdom or laughter (this one I confess will be more laughter than wisdom), here is a list of things you will NEVER hear in church.
- Hey! It’s MY turn to sit on the front pew!
- I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over time 25 minutes.
- Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
- I’ve decided to give our church the $500.00 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
- I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
- Forget the denominational minimum salary: let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
- I love it when we sing songs I’ve never heard before!
- Since we’re all here, let’s start the worship service early!
- Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
- Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign.
If you like the laughter, check out my other lists.